We are living in unprecedented times. Nothing has come close to what we are going through right now, with COVID-19. And it is going to get worse before it gets better. 

It’s OK to be afraid.

I’m scared, but then I have read that I have reason to be scared. 

Hypertension, high blood pressure, which I have, is one of the leading risk factors for death from the coronavirus.  My risk of death is 5 times higher as a result of my high blood pressure. I take pills to manage it, I monitor my BP frequently, and it is under control, but it still increases my risk of death. 

Old age is another risk factor, I am pushing 60. The older you are, the more at risk you are. The NHS is not equipped or resourced enough to deal with this pandemic. Five cases out of 100 infections will require intensive care and we simply do not have the beds, the ventilators, or the staff to cope with what is about to come. 

I am assuming if I catch it, I am going to die and I don’t think this is an unreasonable view of my situation. And a death at home due to respiratory failure, is a death I do not wish to contemplate. So yeah, I am scared. 

It’s OK to be scared.

I am full time carer for my partner, and have been for the last few years. If something happens to me, she is on her own. So I can’t let anything happen to me. So I won’t.

Last year, I had a breakdown myself. It was a bad one. Though be honest, have you ever heard of anyone having a good one? It’s not something I have mentioned much online, so far. 

I nearly checked out of life last year, I was really low. I am saving the details for my book, “High Hopes”, assuming I survive long enough to finish it, and anyone is left to read it when I do. 

For the first time in over 20 years, Mrs. H and I are in a position where we can move out, leave London and take it easy. And this stupid virus is fucking it all up. 

I planned on house hunting in March and April, and if I found a place, moving by June. Clearly none of that is going to happen, if I am self isolating like an old person for the next few months, or longer.

If this pandemic hit a year ago, I would have simply and quietly surrendered to it. But a year later, with new found freedom, determination and some rare optimism for the future, and I want to do all I can to survive.

I think the government advice so far has been far too weak. We are in the period where people are walking around infected, without showing symptoms, and spreading it. We can slow this bullshit down.

Our Prime Minister, Boris Johnson is not letting this pandemic interfere with taking weekends off, and he has not been seen for a few days. That’s probably a blessing, since all he did during his last press conference is tell us that everyone we love is going to die. Not exactly channeling Churchill there, is he? Can we get Boris an empathy coach?

Now is the time for social distancing and self isolating. Don’t wait for the government to advise it. And no, clearly I am not a doctor, or expert, but I have a lot of common sense, and that is what I am using to guide me and my decisions. If the government won’t exercise good judgement, then we will need to do it for ourselves. Just look at how other countries are coping and the fallings here so far, become more apparent. 

It’s OK to be frightened, it’s OK to be scared. None of us have ever experienced anything like what is going on now. The unknown is scary. Our leaders indecision and inaction, is scary. And potentially dying from this horrible virus, or losing loved ones, is scary too.

We can do this. We can survive. Common sense, and caution. If you can stay home, do it. If you need to go out, keep lots of distance between you and anyone else. Act like you have it already, and act like everyone else does too. And wash your damn hands! A lot!

It’s OK to be afraid. I’m a grown-assed man and I am scared. But I am not going to let my fear rule my life. I am going to survive this, and so are you! And hopefully, when we all come out the other side, we can keep making this world a better place. Just hang on to your optimism, we are going to need all we can get!

After a 30 year career as a journalist, working for some of the largest news organisations in the world, including Associated Press, and Reuters, and 15 years as an overnight duty news editor for BBC News, Doug – the northlondonhippy is now a full time writer, hippy, and drug law reform campaigner. 

Doug is also the author of “Personal Use by the northlondonhippy.”  “Personal Use” chronicles Doug’s first 35 years of drug use, while calling for urgent drug law reform. It’s a cracking read, you will laugh, you will cry, and you can bet your ass that you will wish you were a hippy too!

Doug’s next book, “High Hopes” should have been published by now, but it is hard to write a book about remaining optimistic in the face of adversity, during a global pandemic. Try it yourself!

For the last year, Doug has spent most of his time hiding away from a killer virus. Bet many of you have too. 

You can find Doug –  the northlondonhippy on Twitter: @nthlondonhippy.