Tag Archives: Boris Johnson

Politi-hippy 2 – hippy’s revenge

Brexit, Politics, society, the hippy, Uncategorized, , , , ,

I’m going to tell you flat out, from the start, there is no revenge. I’ve never done a sequel to one of my pieces before, and I really wanted to nail the title. I’m not out to settle any personal scores, I just wanted to get your attention. Did it work? Are you reading? Cool.

As I mentioned in my previous piece, Politi-hippy, I have been swept up in this stupid election we’re stuck with this month. I wrote a couple of pieces about the campaign, one about Boris Johnson’s utter lack of character, and the other on the poor branding choices made by Jo Swinson’s Liberal Democrats.

The whole thing is really stressing me out, and I know I am not the only one. My coping mechanism is that I started making weird, funny graphics to express my quiet rage. I’ve made like 50 of them in the last week or so. I am ever so slightly obsessed. You can find half of them on the the original Politi-hippy post, including the 6 panel Baby Yoda series. No baby yoda is safe from Boris Johnson’ Tory party!

I’ve been sharing them on Twitter and at least one of them has gone viral enough that you may have actually seen it. It’s this one:

Yep, that was me. Basic joke, simple format, internet gold. Who knew? And here I’ve spent 15 years trying to come up with original material. I don’t mean to sell myself short, it’s a decent gag, but hardly my best. In my own defence, I posted it not long after the interview finished on TV, so my timing was very good. Sure, it’s uncredited, and I doubt many people will see me claim credit here, but that’s ok. I like making people laugh.

I’ve never gone viral before in any meaningful way, so this was a new one for me. I knew it had been successful when I saw other people posting it all over the place. The truth is, I suck at Twitter, but in the last week or so, I’ve learned how to suck at it less. Go me!

I went on to make a bunch of graphics around Donald Trump’s visit:

Similar format, another basic joke. Private Eye should hire me, when I am a free agent again. They won’t, I’m too expensive, and I doubt they pay in weed anyway. Will work for bud, just putting that out there.

I made a bunch for the Trump visit, but that was the best one. I did try some other jokes with the graphic, this is the only other one that seemed to land:

And I did this one, too, which seemed to do better with Americans than British people. And it’s funny, because it’s true. Allegedly.

Trump and Boris did meet, but you didn’t get to see it, until now:

Trump left early because a bunch of bad kids were gossiping about him, including his very best friend, Boris Johnson. Here’s what that looked like:

I even did an arty one, with a fancy-pants literary quote, that I had to Google because of my vague memory and piss poor American education:

Once dumb Donny ditched NATO, I shifted my attention to what I think is the key to this election, tactical voting. There’s far more of us, than there are of them, but we are fragmented. We need to be smart. Are you smart? Of course you are! Smart people vote tactically. We all might prefer different parties, but who we like is not nearly as important as who we defeat. We need to vote the Tories out! Feel free to share any graphic I’ve made, no need to credit me.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks and well done you! Since I started posting all these graphics, I have increased my visibility on Twitter exponentially. I’ve had tweets liked and RT’d by a former MP and peer, the ex-wife of one of the world’s most famous rock stars, newspaper columnists and the original bassist from the original punk rock band. That’s why I will be back to tell you all about this and more in part 3 of the Politi-hippy series, Politi-hippy-Post-mortem, coming as soon as I can, after election day. And man I can’t wait till election day is done!

As a special treat for making it all the way to the end, here are 4 bonus, extra graphics that I’ve only just started sharing on Twitter. You can share them too.

The northlondonhippy is an anonymous author, cannabis evangelist and recreational drug user, who has been writing about drugs and drug use for over 15 years.  In real life, the hippy is a senior multimedia journalist with over 30 years experience of working in news.

The hippy’s book, ‘Personal Use’ details the hippy’s first 35 years of recreational drug taking, while calling for urgent drug law reform. It’s a cracking read, you will laugh, you will cry and you can bet your ass that you will wish you were a hippy too!

“Personal Use” is available as a digital download on all platforms, including Amazon’s Kindle, Apple’s iBooks and Barnes & Noble’s Nook. The paperback is available from all online retailers and book shops everywhere. 

You can also find the northlondonhippy on Twitter: @nthlondonhippy but only if you look really hard.

A Question of Character

Politics, society, ,

Do you know how many children our Prime Minister has? Does anyone?

Even Wikipedia is not sure, just take a look. It says he either has 5 or 6 kids. That’s extremely vague and it is somewhat disconcerting to me, that no one knows the answer.

Even Wikipedia doesn’t know for sure

Why hasn’t anyone in the media asked Boris Johnson about this? It seems fairly basic to me. If you can’t trust a man to tell you how many children he’s fathered, how can you trust him with anything else? If you misrepresent this, what else are you not telling the truth about?

I appreciate it is a complex question, and the answer is probably not as straight forward as you might think. And I would suggest, that there is more than one right answer to this question, depending upon how the question is framed.

If a journalist asked Boris outright, how many children he has, I expect he would reluctantly provide an answer. This answer would become the number of children Boris acknowledges and it would solve Wikipedia’s conundrum for them. We would have an answer we could attribute to the Prime Minister, and that would end the debate. Except it wouldn’t.

It wouldn’t end the debate because there will be another answer, to a slightly different question, and that number would be higher than the first. The problem with this number, is it will only be known to Boris and his attorneys, as it is the number of children Boris supports financially. Those pesky court-ordered paternity tests are an annoyance, but reaching a settlement with a non-disclosure clause probably makes it all alright. So this number is out there, but it will remain a mystery. 

The third number, which is the actual number of children sired by Boris, is unknowable. The only being in the universe to have this answer, if he or she existed, would be an omnipotent god. Even Boris wouldn’t be sure. There will be terminated pregnancies, there will be paternity denials, and there could even be some children born, that have no idea he is their daddy.

Put it this way, if you are aged somewhere between zygote and around 40 years old, and you have floppy blond hair, an innate ability to say random things in Latin, and your momma never told you who your daddy is… Odds are your daddy is Boris Johnson.

Boris is a born liar. Boris lies so much during the day, that sometimes when he gets home at night, he is just too darned tired to lie to his girlfriend. He lies about everything. He was sacked from the Times for lying. He even lied to the father of a sick baby girl, about the press not covering his hospital visit, while the cameras were in the room and filming! Boris even lied to the Queen. He just can’t help it. Boris lies, the way the rest of us breathe, naturally, and without much thought. Lying is his gut instinct, go to strategy, to get himself out of everything. And he doesn’t seem to mind when he gets caught. 

Why is the media so complicit in all of this? How can a politician be given a pass on issues of trust? If you can’t trust a man to tell you how many children he has, how can you trust him on literally anything else?

Character matters. Honesty matters. And it starts with a really simple question: Mr. Johnson, how many children do you have?

The northlondonhippy is an anonymous author, cannabis evangelist and recreational drug user, who has been writing about drugs and drug use for over 15 years.  In real life, the hippy is a senior multimedia journalist with over 30 years experience of working in news.

The hippy’s book, ‘Personal Use’ details the hippy’s first 35 years of recreational drug taking, while calling for urgent drug law reform. It’s a cracking read, you will laugh, you will cry and you can bet your ass that you will wish you were a hippy too!

“Personal Use” is available as a digital download on all platforms, including Amazon’s Kindle, Apple’s iBooks and Barnes & Noble’s Nook. The paperback is available from all online retailers and book shops everywhere. 

You can also find the northlondonhippy on Twitter: @nthlondonhippy