Greetings fellow earthlings. This is going to be brief. Between it being summer, and my brand new-ish orthopaedic issues, I’m going to pause #HHOTW, and take a short hiatus. That doesn’t mean I’m disappearing, I’ll still be around on social media. If I go dark, it’s because I’ve had to have emergency surgery, which obviously I’m hoping to avoid.
If I make anything fun, or write anything interesting, I’ll still post it here, and share links via social media. I can’t promise I will do much, as sitting at my desk is less than ideal.
All this is about as far from the basic idea of #HHOTW as can be. It’s a lowlight, not a highlight.
Anyway, I’ll be back in around the end of summer for more of whatever it is I do around here. Wish me luck with my faulty spine. Catch ya later masterbators!
Firstly, I owe you all an apology. I didn’t manage to post anything for #HHOTW last Friday. Blame my boring new health issues, along with a mini-heatwave for preventing me from posting anything. I let you down, I let the internet down, and more importantly, I let myself down. What’s worse is this week’s #HHOTW is not an all time great. It’s mediocrity at its mediocre best.
Hippy Health Update
Will keep this super brief. Saw a GP at my surgery this week, who sent me straight back to A&E, telling me my spine might be crumbling. Spoiler alert: It’s not crumbling, but it is in bad shape.
Had a much better experience at A&E this time. It wasn’t as busy, and I was seen relatively quickly. The doctor was fantastic, did the most thorough exam that I’ve had since this bullshit started, and tried to get me some tests done that same day, as she said my problems were urgent. Urgent, perhaps, but not urgent enough for the radiographers to squeeze me in. I was actually a bit relieved as I am dreading the test, but also because my spine isn’t as bad as some doctor’s have thought. I am going back on Monday morning, bright and early for the test with the same sense of dread. On top of all that, it’s meant to be 30C+ on Monday, so I am not looking forward to the whole thing. I hate extreme heat, London doesn’t cope with it well.
500 Days
Technically, this is a highlight from last week. And if we really want to get pedantic, it’s not really even a highlight, as it has been overshadowed by my “crumbling spine”.
Staying with the theme of mediocrity, here’s are two very quick ones which might illicit a guilty giggle or two.
Not sure why you’d want to come back next week, but the invitation remains open. Some weeks are much better than others. I have a lengthy list of things I want to write, and graphics and videos I want to make. For the last couple of weeks, I just haven’t been up to it, which sucks. I think once I am properly diagnosed, and I know what the treatment will be, I might feel a bit better, and more creative. Unless I need surgery, which could be possible, in which case, I will continue on my sad, depressed path. Hey ho. See you next week, you glorious mofos!
The hippy reflects on 500 days without a major seizure. You’d think he’d be happy about it, but you probably know him well enough to think otherwise. You would be correct.
I hit a significant milestone this week. I haven’t had a major seizure in 500 days. That’s a new record for me, beating my previous record of 361 days. The last time the paramedics made a house call to me is also over 500 days ago.
You might have noticed I used the words “major seizure’. Not having any major seizures is an extremely good thing. I should be celebrating, I guess.
Are my seizures now well controlled? Sorta. I continue to have occasional partial seizures, both simple, and complex.
Partial seizures are what trigger my major seizures. Major seizures are my shorthand for tonic-clonic seizures. They’re the ones that can kill you. I haven’t had one since February 2024.
Even though I haven’t had a major seizure in what seems like a long time, I still worry about them. Constantly. The continuing partial seizures don’t help. And as much as I want to believe the big ones are now under control, there’s a part of me that still expects one every day. It limits what I do to a worrying degree. I continue to have a lot of anxiety around the possibility of a new seizure.
The fear itself is not new. I was referred for counselling by my neurologist over a year ago, as my reaction to my epilepsy diagnosis is not uncommon.
I’ve now have had around half a dozen telephone sessions with a really nice psychologist who specialises in epilepsy, over the last 6 months. I was given a choice between 6 sessions over 6 weeks, or 6 sessions randomly over a period of months. I chose the latter.
I had made a bit of progress. I went for longer walks, I went up to my local high street too. The high street was especially hard, as the last time I went up there, I had a seizure on the way back home, outside. That’s my biggest fear, my next seizure happening outside of my home.
Then a couple of weeks ago, a brand new health issue presented itself, just to cunt my life to fuck just a little bit more.
I have altered sensations in my feet. It feels like a combination of “pins and needles”, and numbness. It has now crept up my calves a bit. In other words, it is worsening.
My GP sent me to A&E, and they discovered I have some compression fractures in my spine. I am now waiting for more tests. Walking is not easy, as the altered sensation is bad for my balance.
I had to pop out to buy a lightbulb from a nearby shop earlier today, which I managed to successfully do, but I am now paying the price. My feet feel super weird, and my lower legs too. I am sure I overdid it, and it was literally a 5 minute walk there, and a 5 minute walk back. FML.
The weirdest part of all of this is I have no back pain. The theory from the doctors is that the compression fractures are pressing on a nerve, or pinching my spinal cord, cause the issues with my lower extremities.
The doctors told me I could end up paralysed. They also told me if I find myself unable to walk, to get to A&E urgently. That would involve the paramedics, again. Obviously, all this is adding to my anxiety. So much for making any progress of trying to be normal again.
I have too much wrong with me, and too many ongoing conditions. I am now taking 24 assorted pills, tablets and capsules daily. Depending upon what these new tests show regarding my spine, there will probably be more drugs to come.
I never thought I would ever say this, but I take too many drugs. If I were a horse, they would have shot me by now. This isn’t my depression talking, I have genuinely had enough, and that newly approved assisted dying bill won’t be implemented quickly, so it probably won’t help me.
I’d hit my limit when I was diagnosed with epilepsy, and I’ve been in a bonus round ever since. Piling more health issues on top of that, and the others, is a recipe for madness.
What’s a poor, sad, sick hippy meant to do? Wait for more health issues I expect. Eventually, one of them will be bad enough to finish me.
My life actually ended a little over 6 years ago, when I stopped working, just as the partial seizures were ramping up. Had I known what was going on with my health at the time, I wouldn’t have resigned. But I did.
Sure, I might have some occasional fun making weird shit for the internet, but mostly the last 6 years have sucked ass. I could have just as easily done without them. I spend a great deal of time wishing things turned out differently on the day of my worst cluster of seizures. And I waste even more time being angry about my birth.
With so much time on my hands, I reflect on my life a lot, and I think it was mostly a good one. I’ve done some cool things, been some cool places, and had some cool friends. You might not believe it, but there was a time when life was good for me. It’s a long time ago now. Looking back, I only have three real regrets, which isn’t that many when you think about it.
Regret number one is that I didn’t become fluent in a second language. It would have been useful at times.
The second is not having a dog as an adult. My family had dogs when I was growing up, but I didn’t manage it myself.
My third regret, is by far the most significant. I regret surviving my tragic premature birth. That’s the root of nearly all my problems. Had things gone differently, I wouldn’t be suffering today. Or any day. I guess ultimately, I mostly regret my existence. It’s not a fun regret to have.
After a 30 year career as a journalist, working for some of the largest news organisations in the world, including Associated Press and Reuters, and 15 years as a duty news editor for BBC News, Doug – the northlondonhippy is now a full time hippy, and writer. And for the last few years, he’s been #EpilepsyHippy. His life was a whole lot more fun before gaining that new title. For real.
Doug is also the author of “Personal Use by the northlondonhippy.” “Personal Use” chronicles Doug’s years of experience with mind altering substances, while calling for urgent drug law reform. It’s a cracking read. You will laugh, you will cry, and you can bet your ass that you will wish you were a hippy too!
If you want even more, (and who wouldn’t?) you could always check out Hippy Highlights – which is the best of the best stuff on the site, and it’s all free to read. What are you waiting for?
Hey ho to all you hippies and hooligans hangin’ out with me on a Friday! Welcome to another edition of Hippy Highlight of the Week.
#DJHippy
I’ve had a fairly busy week. Well, busy for me anyway. So this week my main highlight for you is a ten song playlist of some of my favourite Soul and R&B tunes from the 1970s. Chances are you’ve heard them all before, but you never know… You might discover a groovy new fav for yourselves as well.
When I was a kid back in the olden days of the 1970s, I had a clock radio in my bedroom. I’d lay in the dark, and listen to the local top 40 station just before I slipped into slumber. Many of these are the songs that sent me off to dreamland back then. I am still digging all of those tunes today.
I make a new playlist every month, and all of these songs have been in heavy rotation in my house for a while, and are still going strong. Welcome to “the northlondonhippy’s 70s Soul/R&B Vibe Playlist”.
I subscribe to Apple Music, so that’s the first place you can find my playlist. If you click THIS LINK, it will open the playlist in the Apple Music app, as long as you have it installed.
I know not everybody has Apple Music, so I’ve also put the playlist on YouTube. You can check it out by clicking on THIS LINK. YouTube won’t let me embed it here.
You could always make your own version of my playlist on the platform of your choice. Here’s the list:
1) Curtis Mayfield – Move On Up – 1970
2) Me and Mrs. Jones – Billy Paul – 1972
3) What’s Going On – Marvin Gaye – 1971
4) Midnight Train to Georgia – Gladys Knight & the Pips – 1973
5) Across 110th Street- Bobby Womack – 1973
6) Living For the City – Stevie Wonder – 1973
7) Backstabbers – O’Jays – 1972
8) Can’t Get Enough of Your Love – Barry White – 1974
9) Fantasy – Earth Wind and Fire – 1978
10) When Somebody Loves You Back – Teddy Pendergrass – 1978
I could have added more to the list, loads more, but I thought 10 tunes was a reasonable length. It’s around 45 mins of music, which is the standard duration of an album or CD.
I did mention I would be sharing some playlists, and if you guys dig it, I’ll do more of this.
I defy you to sit still while listening to this music. At a minimum, your toes will be tapping. And if you end up dancing around your place, carried away by the groove, you can blame me for bringing a tiny bit of joy into your life.
Clear Out – Discovery
My giant house clearing exercise is ongoing. My goal is to get rid of as much junk as possible. It’s slow going because it’s amazing how much crap you end up with over the years. I do keep finding interesting things. Like this flyer from the early 2000s, when magic mushrooms were sold openly, and (quasi) legally. The loophole in the law was shut tight in 2005. It was a sad day.
I used to shroom regularly back then, and it was the most mentally healthy I’ve ever been. It’s also why I started writing stuff online, and why I have an entry in the Urban Dictionary. They even sell NLH branded mugs, but I don’t get a cut, so please don’t buy one.
One Shitpost
This one’s a #HHOTW exclusive, so far. I only made it this morning, and I’m saving it for social media, when this horrible little man undoubtably does something else unpleasantly newsworthy. He’s Trump’s border creep, and he has a hard-on for illegal deportations. Gross.
That’s it for this week. Have a bitchin’ bank holiday weekend if you’re in the UK. Catch ya later you wonderful human! Come back soon!
I’ve added a brand new section to my website, bringing together everything I have written and produced on my Right Temporal Lobe Epilepsy. It has changed my life in a million ways.
Hey. I had a weird medical incident last week, I collapsed at home, and had a sort of seizure. I was down for about an hour, and I am covered in minor injuries. Mrs. Hippy found me and called an ambulance. I don’t remember any of it. The last thing I remembered was feeling a bit nauseous and sick, the next thing I knew two paramedics were tending to me, and it was over an hour later.
The paramedics wanted to take me to hospital, but I declined. I declined because I was very disoriented, but also afraid of Covid. It was a silly decision that I now regret. I should have gone to be checked out. Instead, I just limped my way through the bank holiday weekend, and followed up on it today with my GP.
I have video of the incident, thanks to an old security camera from when I used to work nights. There is an hour of me struggling on the floor, I manage to eventually stand, but I then fall again on my face. It’s hard to watch, especially because I don’t remember any of it happening.
It wasn’t a stroke, I don’t think it was a heart attack, but both are still possibilities. My guess is it was some sort of epileptic seizure, presenting late in life. One of my mother’s sisters had epilepsy, so it is in my family.
I spoke to my GP this morning, she thought it was a seizure too. She has referred me to an urgent first seizure clinic, and is sending me for blood tests. I will speak to her again next week. I’m lucky, I have a really good GP, who I trust, and who knows me. Thank fuck for the NHS! My GP says we will figure it out and treat it. She says the video I have may help diagnose what happened.
I am covered in bruises, and scrapes, and I have lots of muscle strains and pulls. I hurt all over. I’m also shaken up, and more than a bit scared it may happen again. I still don’t feel right. And my heart rate has been elevated since it happened, though it seems to have come down a bit today. The same day it happened, I received the text invite for the 2nd dose of the vaccine. How that for bad timing?
While I take it easy, and all of this complex new medical shit is investigated, I am going to have to pause my activities on the Ceasefire Initiative. Next week was expected to be the rescheduled ceasefire4good week, which was postponed once already due to Prince Philip’s passing. While I am feeling somewhat cursed, I am not abandoning the idea, this is just a pause until I know what’s going on with my health. The work will continue, soon I hope.
I feel like I am letting everyone down, and I am so sorry. I saw a neurologist over a year and a half ago, regarding a different complaint. There is a good chance this incident is related to that issue, and this is a weird escalation of something I though was solved.
No secrets from you guys. Other than Mrs Hippy, and a very small number of IRL friends I used to work with, I don’t really have many people in my life. Any positive vibes you glorious mofos can send my way, would be hugely appreciated! I don’t really want to die just yet.
And sure, I am over sharing, but what have I got to lose? Are you a doctor? Does any of this mean anything to you? Any guesses on what happened to me? I’m listening.
